Poison Ivy is bad, mmkay?

There are many things in life on which I pride myself. One of them being that I am not allergic to namby-pamby nonsense like cats and grass. I don't know why, but when I picture allergies, I see the nerd on tv with a runny nose and coke-bottle glasses. (not that I have anything against nerds... I am #TeamNerd... just not #TeamRunnyNoseNerd...) I constantly mock my husband for being allergic to Penicillin and my little sister for being allergic to poison ivy (oh, the irony)... The only allergies I have are either perfectly understandable or just so badass that it can't even be considered an "allergy". And they are... 1. Lavender. Seriously, who could be upset about being allergic to Lavender??? Lavender smells like you stuck a flower up a butt and set it on fire. Not only does it smell like ass-flower fire, it gives me a horrible headache. Then one day, while staying at my aunt's house, I went to take a shower and all she had was some sort of baby wash, (I have no clue as to why because there was no baby in the family at that time...) well as I started washing, a smell assaulted my nose. Yes, it was Lavender... (and why am I capitalizing Lavender??? It is not a proper noun. And even if it was, it would not deserve to be capitalized... lavender. there. much better...) but it was not a very strong smell, I guess since it was aimed towards babies... So I decided to just deal with it. However, halfway through my lavender plagued shower, I started to itch... By the time I got out of the shower, I was covered with little allergy itch spots. It almost made me smile. As if someone needed another reason to avoid lavender at all costs... Which brings us to allergy number 2. Benadryl. Yeah, that's right. I am so badass, that I am allergic to allergy medicine! It's like Jesus was standing over baby-me, and was like "I have made her so perfectly awesome, the only other thing I can do to assure her perfectly awesomeness is to insure than she never has any wimpy allergies by making her allergic to allergy medicine." I am not going to go all in to the Benadryl story, I will just say that I ended up passing out in the bathroom floor... So, with all of that said, I can begin my story. Me, Steven (the husband), and Lisa (my older sister) were sitting outside the other day and for some reason I cannot recall right now, I decided that I was going to climb a tree. The husband tried to talk me out of it, stating nonsensical facts like "out of shape", "no tree-climbing skills", "scared of heights", "no balance". Pssh! I said. So, I go put on my shoes, and start to climb the tree. Now, I know I have surely intimidated you with the talk of how badass I am, and you are probably picturing me atop of a 20 ft tree, but I was only going to get on the lowest limb possible. I just wanted to have my whole body on/in the tree. Now, the only tree in which this is possible, is the poison ivy infested tree that my little sister can't get around because she is one of those people with the wimpy allergies... I am not going to get all into how I made the tree my bitch and everyone who had doubted me bowed at my feet and cheered. (a.k.a. I hugged the tree and slid down causing scrapes all over my arms and legs, while the husband and the sister laughed and took photos) About 2 days later, I awoke with a very itchy and swollen eyelid. The husband said it was poison ivy. I reminded him that I was not a wimpy allergy person and even if I was, it would appear on my arms or legs and not my eyelid that had made no contact with the tree. This was Sunday. Monday evening, I noticed a small rash on the side of my left hand. It reminded me of warts... I gagged. By Thursday, my eye had healed, (Hallelujah!) but both of my legs and arms were covered in poison ivy itchiness. I was all #FML! After lots of Aveeno Body Wash, Hydrocortisone Cream (provided to me by the little sister...), and scratching, I am healed. Physically. My ego will never recover from this. I now have to watch what I touch when I enter the woods. (cause, you know, that's what badass people do.. they have to go into the woods to kill their own food... and stuff...) Even though I am convinced that it was some other badass reaction, instead of poison ivy, since it took almost a week to show up, even though the husband and everyone else has tried to convince me that it doesn't happen right after you touch the tree... sigh. My life will never be the same :(